Love; Breakdown
by Tha1n0nlYVoyGirl
Summary: What Tom probably would do if B´Elanna broke up. B´Elanna´s ,Tom´s and Harry´s POV. *Now also B´Elanna´s thoughts inside Tom´s memory. **Chakotays POV.Tom again!*
1. B´Elannas POV

Since some people wasn´t completely satisfied with Tom´s reaction when B´Elanna broke up, (read my fic 'Falling Stars' and you´ll understand) this is what he *probably would* do if you think about it.  
  
B´Elanna´s POV  
  
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Love; Breakdown  
  
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~Late one night at my quarters when I, Tom and Harry had a friendly talk, Tom told us about that time when Susie Crabtree broke up with him. I guess Harry and I got fascinated by that part when he couldn´t get out of bed for a week.  
  
I asked Tom what he would do if *I* broke up with him. He simled at me and answered that he wouldn´t get out of bed for at least a month and then he kissed me tenderly.  
  
He said that I ment to much to him, to much for him to loose.  
  
And when he went to replicate some more white wine, of unknown origin, Harry and I made a plan. Back then it seemed funny, but now I can´tstand thnking about it, it seemes so evil.  
  
The next day at the Holodeck, in that Lake Como program, I tried to make the plan work. The plan, wich point was to see if Tom really would react the way he told us he would.  
  
I had big problems to not smile when I told Tom that I didn´t love him anymore and that it was no use for us to be together anymore.  
  
A second later I didn´t feel like I ever wanted to smile again.  
  
He looked like someone pulled a curtain over his eyes from the inside, and for a moment he seemed disoriented. Before he rushed out of the Holodeck he shot me a look so full of sorrow that I regretted every single fight we ever had.  
  
My mind told me that it was so wrong of me tu fullfill that plan, now when it now more seemed like a funny thing, and that I should run after him, and I really wanted to but my body disobeyed me. I was frozen. Frozen of sorrow, pain and regret in the middle of the sunny Lake Como program. The program wich ment something special to both me and Tom, and this was the place I choose to tell him.  
  
Mine and Harry´s plan worked out perfectly,Tom stayed in his quarters for the told month. In fact it was five horrible week, and during that time noone saw a glimpse of him.  
  
Almost the entire crew rang at his door, but he never opened, he never answered when we stood outside that door, knocking and screaming either. He never responded any hail, nor all those messages people sent to him.  
  
And it was all my fault, well, Harry was a part of it too, but it was mostly my fault, I never had to tell him those untrue words.  
  
When he finally got out again after five weeks and seven hours, he was a lot thinner and his eyes, his wonderful blue eyes, had finally lost their sparkeling lustre.  
  
The captain understood that something was wrong with Tom, and the Doctor declared him psychically sick. The Captain took him out of duty, she had to make him a civillian, the only one on this ship, but she did him one last favor as her Chief Helmsman.  
  
She made sure he got a replicated version of Starfleet´s Medal For Valour. Every member of this crew donated replicator rations to that medal.  
  
So, he´s onlt Mr Tom Paris now, and that Mr spends his days drinking at Sandrine´s.  
  
We´ve acually given Holodeck 1 to him, as a gift. The rest of the crew only used Holodck 2 nowadays.  
  
He hasn´t said a word to anyone in seven weeks, except Sandrine, and though she´s a holocharacter that given me *some* hope.  
  
When I told the Computer to run the holoprogram with shortcut name 'Lake Como', just to be sentimental and remember the good times, I got the answer that such a file not excisted in the Database. I guess he has deleted it.  
  
I´ve thought about writing a weekly column in some Delta Quad- magazine, if they have any.  
  
It should be called ' the best ways to ruin the best relationship you ever had. Get a new tip every week.' 'For only 5.95$ you´ll get all this, much more plus a little gift in each number.'  
  
I lay there,crying, at Tom´s bed, he doesn´t use it anymore anyway, he sleeps at the Holodeck. I´ve been here for four hours now.  
  
Thinking, cursing, crying.  
  
I´ve got to get him back!  
  
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¨Want me to continue?  
  
voy_girl@imatrekkie.com 


	2. Tom´s POV

Love; Breakdown Part II - TomÂ´s POV.  
  
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The other day, I think it was the other day anyway, Sandrine asked how i was feeling.  
  
How I am feeling?  
  
I feel stupid, empty, lost.  
  
I walk around at this Holodeck with a constant hangover. I donÂ´t know how many drinks IÂ´ve had today, I canÂ´tcount them. I canÂ´t count the onesI had yesterday either, I canÂ´t remember what i did last week. But I was probably here at SandrineÂ´s. Is this the first sign that IÂ´m turning in to an alcoholic? No, probably the tenth.  
  
When BÂ´Elanna told me that she didnÂ´t love me anymore, my whole world inside fell apart. I know that she could see my decay through the expression in my eyes, she was always good at that.  
  
After rushing out of Holodeck I went to my quarters and stayed there for a long time.  
  
I donÂ´t know how long, but it felt useless to leave, be nice to other people, do my work.  
  
I *know* they wanted me to come out and talk to them, they knocked at my door, hailed me, sent me several messages. With 'them' I mean BÂ´Elanna and Harry.  
  
My ex-girlfriend and my ex- best friend. I wonder if itÂ´s something between *them*.  
  
I was also aware that Doc examined me, and that he declared me psychically unstable.  
  
I know IÂ´m not, itÂ´s some kind of block in my mind. I *seem* far away but I *feel* near.  
  
Captain Janeway came in here one day a few weeks ago I think, she putted the Medal For Valour on the bardesk in front of me.  
  
I donÂ´t want a cold medal, I want BÂ´Elanna.  
  
  
  
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continue?  
  
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	3. Harry´s POV.

Love; Breakdown Ch.3 - Harry´s POV I know it was stupid. I don´t understand how I could do such a thing, I don´t even understand how I could make it up.  
Yes, I was drunk, peppy and bored, but that´s absolutely not a good excuse.  
  
The Doctor announced that Tom was mentally ill a few months ago, but I know he isn't, he's too strong to give in to such a sickness.  
The real explanation is that he's turned inwards, huddled up inside himself.  
  
To this day nobody has succeeded finding a way to get him out of himself again.  
I really miss him, that extrovert, humorous, happy man.  
  
He was one of the best friends I ever had.  
In fact I still count him to that small amount of chosen people, even if it´s kinda hopeless talking to him now in his condition.   
  
This morning B´Elanna and I decided that we should go to Sandrine´s and once again try to talk with him.  
We figured he should be almost sober that early.  
He was awake and sitting by the bar disk as usual when we got there, but he seemed sober enough.  
I wished him good morning and put a hand on his shoulder. As usual he didn´t answer, as usual he didn´t react.  
It´s unbelievable how skinny he is nowadays, but that isn´t so strange, he probably lives on liquor. That´s only one of the things I don´t recognize with him. And there´s a lot I don´t recognize, especially the mental way.  
  
I know he´s there somewhere, underneath that miserable shell. The real Tom Paris.  
  
The moment before I was about to drag B´Elanna out of there, she really suffers to see Tom like that, mostly because she thinks it´s her fault. And it really is her fault... as much as it is mine.  
As I´m trying to say, the moment I was about to do that, Tom suddenly turned his head straight towards B´Elanna and said;  
  
"How could you do this? How could you leave me?"  
  
Then he turned to me, the usually empty eyes now burning, the flames in them didn´t look like any other sort I´ve ever seen Tom´s eyes flame with before.  
It felt like his question wasn´t really directed to me, but to somebody else, to somebody invisible, somebody to us unknown.   
  
"How could Anna leave me?"  
  
His voice sounded raspich, I guess he haven´t used it for some time. To me, it sounded really terrible, though I was glad he at least showed some reaction. I *saw* Tom´s lips move, somehow I know he´s the one who was talking, but it definitely didn´t *sound* like him.  
  
After those two sentences, he stared back at his half glass, nor B´Elanna or I could get through a second time.   
And despite what everyone else might be saying, it wasn´t me, and it wasn´t B´Elanna who finally made Tom talk. No, that was his own decision. We just happened to be there when he did it.   
  
Then, at lunch, I had absolutely nothing to do to keep my mind of Tom´s faith, so I spent my entire lunch searching through the Hologram Database. I wasn´t hungry anyway.  
Maybe I searched it for a solution, maybe for comfort, I don´t know.   
But I do know what I found, and it surely belonged to the 'solutions' genre.   
  
My solution is an old program, added by one of the poor crewmembers who got killed first. Crewman Judd Lattis.  
  
The program itself is very well dune, it´s a sibyl from the late 19th century.   
People believed she had the power to enter another persons mind.   
She didn´t possess that gift, she used incense and essential oils which made the 'customer' hallucinate and pass out for a while.   
When he or she came around again, the fortune-teller 'revealed' the true cause of her customers problems. She claimed that she had entered their minds.  
  
I´ve been thinking about it, and I think I know how to make it work.  
To do so I need a Holodeck session to run that program.  
I also need a telepath, Tuvok.  
I need a person which mind we´ll enter, Tom.  
And at last, I need volunteers, me and B´Elanna.  
  
If I´ve calculated it correct, it´ll be like a mind meld, though it´ll be two people *inside* the memory.  
That means that if it´ll work, B´Elanna and I will see and feel what happened when 'Anna left' Tom.  
Tuvok will be our middleman. I´ve asked him, and he agreed to do it.   
  
Oh, I hope it´ll work.  
It´ll have to.   
  
  
  
  
By Tha1n0nlYVoy_Girl 27/1 2002.  
voy_girl@imatrekkie.com  



	4. B´Elanna´s POV - Inside Tom´s Memory

Love; Breakdown Ch.4 - B´Elanna´s POV inside Tom´s memory  
  
Love; Breakdown Ch.4 - B´Elanna´s POV inside Tom´s memory  
  
It was horrible.  
The whole time from when Tom asked 'why did Anna leave me?', I thought that Anna was another old girlfriend who dumped him.   
I was totally wrong.  
  
Harry, Tuvok and I met outside Holodeck 1 at 0530 this morning.  
The blood was throbbing in my body, the thought of perhaps getting Tom back made me dizzy. Still does.  
  
The three of us found Tom sleeping in a simple camp bed, which meant that he at least would be almost sober.   
Tuvok accessed the controls and changed Sandrine's into that program Harry had told me so much about, the one he hoped would be able to make us understand how Tom feels, to help him, cure him.  
  
Tuvok held a long briefing, some Vulcans have a tendency of getting long-winded and boring.  
The truth is that I didn´t pay much attention to Tuvok´s lecture, only when he asked me a direct question.  
My undivided attention went to Tom.  
He sat shrunken at an old, worn-out sofa, staring at that sibyl, who unveiled stared back.   
She was programmed to not pay attention to anyone but Tom.   
  
Tuvok immediately shut up and I knew exactly what Tom would have done, smile and whisper something like "This is the best thing that have happened me today," to the closest person, even if it turned out to be the Captain. I just don´t have anyone to whisper to anymore.  
The old sibyl told Tom to lay down, and amazingly, he complied.   
  
She lit a few candles, opened the small bottles filled with oil and at last she lit the incense by holding them into the candle-flames.   
  
Her carriage got filled with the heavy smell of perfume and I saw Tom beginning to doze off.   
The Doctor had given me, Harry and Tuvok something he´d made up to resist strong smells, such as old incense.   
  
Tuvok held one of his hands at Tom´s shoulder and the other one at mine, Harry held my hand in a *very* tight grip.   
The poor man was so nervous, and I can´t say *I* wasn´t.   
  
Then Tuvok began.   
  
"My mind to your mind... Your mind to my mind..."   
  
After he had repeated it for a few times, the carriage´s brown wooden walls slowly began to change.  
Everything i could see began to shimmer and a thick, white fog began rolling in.  
  
When the fog sunk down to my ankles, Harry and I no longer were in the old fortune-teller´s small carriage.  
We stood at a street, it was an early morning, the air was chilly and the lights in the houses around the street were very few.  
I let go of Harry´s sweaty palm.   
He looked just as doubting as i felt. I doubted whether Tuvok sent us to the right memory,whether this could be right, whether it had worked at all or net, maybe he had changed the program and we were in someone´s block.   
  
After approximately ten minutes full of lost looks and fear some things finally begun to change.   
A few more lights greeted u, we saw a few cars drive by, some people working early shifts somewhere probably.   
Harry and I had gone to a time when the magnet powered traffic still was running.   
  
After another fifteen minutes we saw some kids on the move. They had back packers or school bags and walked in small groups.   
I heard a little girls delighted laugh from somewhere to my left, I didn´t even bother turning my head to look at that happy girl.  
  
My head was full of thoughts but there was one I tortured myself with. What had this to do with when 'Anna left Tom'?  
  
"Look, Tommy! There´s a wagtail!"  
  
Both Harry and I wrenched and spun around.   
Two kids, a girl between eight and ten... and a boy, maybe six years old.   
  
"Aren´t they pretty?"  
  
The little boy asked the bigger girl,his voice was shrill and he had a big black hole in his upper jaw, probably he´d lost his two front teeth.   
This Tom was so cute, so innocent, so pure.  
  
The girl had to be his sister, underneath her knit cap flap long, flaxen hair.  
  
"Oh, Tommy! Look!" She exclaimed.  
  
"There´s our ball! Can you get it and I´ll run over the street and check if Mary´s ready to go."  
  
"Okay, Anna!"  
  
Tommy ran to pick up the red ball which was laying in the green grass beside the sidewalk.  
His sneakers and a bit of his grey pants got wet thanks to the dew in the grass.   
  
Anna ran over one of the lanes and stopped at the small string of grass and curb in the middle.   
She rested for a while not far from where Harry and I were standing.   
I don´t know why, but for some reason I held my breath.   
  
Anna only had one lane to go, and i stood there, breathless, my fingers crossed so hard it hurt.   
I wanted her to make it over the street so much, *so* much.  
Deep down inside I knew she wouldn´t. After what seemed like an eternity she jumped down from the grass, her shoes and tights also wet.  
  
Anna looked in both directions before walking.  
At this point I couldn´t feel my fingers.   
  
When she was in the middle of the second lane a truck approached from her left.  
Anna saw it too late, she didn´t have the time to move.  
I couldn´t see the drivers face.  
I ogle at Harry, his eyes were closed, his fists clenched.   
  
After what seemed like another eternity, I heard what I´d feared since I saw the Paris siblings. A stifled thud.   
I forced myself to turn my head towards Anna again.   
It was blood everywhere. I forced myself to look at Tom too, his little mouth wide open, the ball rolling away from the place where it had landed when it fell from Tom´s open hands.   
  
A man and a woman came running out of one of the nearby houses. the truck driver stared at Anna, smoking his third cigarette since he left his truck one minute ago.   
  
"It´s Captain Paris' daughter!" Shouted the man who ran out.   
  
"Call the hospital! I´ll call the Captain!"  
  
I felt numb, could nothing do but stare. I have no idea how long time that went by, but I saw some medics and a hover car arrive in high speed.   
  
The man who hurried out of the car had to be Owen Paris. The medics had arrived a moment before him and Anna was now resting at a cold steel litter.  
  
I heard one of the medics tell Owen Paris that 'she hadn´t felt *a thing*'.  
  
Little Tommy wasn´t there anymore.   
The ball had stopped at the curb. A soft drizzle made it´s used surface glisten.  
  
Harry stifled a sob, his voice shivered;   
  
"Now we at least know what happened to Anna."  
  
It all felt like something cut directly out of some old movie, one of these where the people who go see it are expected bringing hankies to the movies.   
  
I wondered where Tom ran of to, what he did there, what he thought about, what he *felt* after seeing his sister getting hit by a truck. But I was the only one who seemed to look at something else than that little human on the big litter.   
Then again, I might get the chance to someday ask him those questions, but then I can only *hope* of doing it. Only hope.  
  
The drizzle grew heavier and soon everything was soaking wet. My clothes, my hair, even my heart felt wet, perhaps it was my 'hot Klingon blood' that leaked out.  
  
The almost fresh blood started to flow towards the gutter. The red, innocent blood, belonging to an innocent little girl.  
A girl who no longer had the chance to revolt, smoke, drink, fight, sneak out in the middle of the night. No, she wouldn´t even get the chance.   
That was when the fog started rolling in again.   
  
The death place shimmered and disappeared in front of my shocked eyes.   
A moment later I was back in that small, stinking carriage along with a just a shocked Harry, the professional Tuvok, the humming sibyl and the present days Tom Paris.   
  
I couldn´t find any resemblance with Tom the pilot and the little ball-picking boy. When I try to do it now, I still can´t, not anything.   
But there´s got to be something, he can´t be that changed, that devastated.   
Or could he, that´s the question.   
  
Luckily, Tuvok didn´t ask any questions, he just told us that we had been there for such a long time, almost two hours, so he decided to take us back.   
The sibyl drank a glass Irish Whiskey, Harry pressed his lips together, probably to not start crying, Tom stirred.   
  
After returning the still passed out Tom to his bed at Sandrine´s we left the Holodeck.   
The numb feeling which squeezed my heart wouldn´t go away, not until I met Chakotay in the hallway.   
  
"How did it go?"  
  
Those four words broke something inside of me.   
My only goal that moment was to get to my quarters, get to my bed.   
  
As soon as I reached my bedroom I ordered the lights off, stumbled to my bed and flung myself on it, and cried.   
I cried like I hadn´t done since I realized my father wouldn´t come back.   
  
I´ve been taken out of duty until we know if Tom´s psychic health took any damage by us entering his memories.  
I hope he´ll wake up, jump out of bed and go for a dare-devil flight immediately.   
That´s just a silly dream. Deep down I know that won´t happen.   
I´ll have to be glad if he wakes up ever again. If he doesn´t that´s my fault too. ~  
  
  
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By Tha1n0nlYVoy_Girl * 28-29/1 2002.  
As usual; Continue??  
  



	5. Chakotay's POV - His Resolution

Love; Breakdown Ch. 5 - Chakotay's POV (His Resolution)  
  
"So, his sister died?"  
  
My words, my stupid question.  
  
"Yes."  
  
BElanna's answer was barely audible. I had to exert myself to hear any of what she told.  
  
Kathryn asked if anyone had any ideas about how we could get Tom back.  
  
"One thing is for sure, Captain; he won't get any better if someone walks in there and says ` I know what happened to Anna, and I can understand you'."  
  
Harry was right. We couldn't do it that way, Tom wouldn't believe it, nobody can understand how he feels right now.  
  
At least he's awake again, he woke up yesterday.  
  
A few uneasy days went by, we didn't know if he would make it or not.  
  
Even I worried, though I've never liked Tom Paris.  
  
But, I too have a heart, and noone deserves this faith, alcoholized , trapped in oneself.  
  
That's why I revealed the idea which had been nibbling at my mind for weeks.  
  
"Why don't we do a holographic Anna Paris, and let her tell Tom to come out of his shell and stop drinking?"  
  
Again; my words, my stupid, ridiculous idea.  
  
I had to catch my breath after saying that, it felt like if I breathed during the time I talked, it wouldn't come out right, if it came out at all.  
  
Feeling pretty embarrassed, I looked up at the other people in the briefing room.  
  
They all nodded encouraging.  
  
It might not have been such a bad idea anyway.  
  
At least, Kathyrn seemed to think it was good, because she started giving orders.  
  
"BElanna, you search the Database for pictures of Anna Paris.  
  
Harry, doctor, your job will be to make that hologram, use the same technics as when you did Gul Lamere. And Chakotay... thank you."  
  
She winked and smile at me, that day was the best I'd had on months.  
  
"Wait."  
  
Neelix' voice.  
  
"Will Tom fall for it?"  
  
Joy-killer.  
  
"He will fall for it, Neelix. He want's his big, strong sister to tell him it's allright, tell him to move on with his life. That's what I'd like to be told if I was... like Tom."  
  
Poor BElanna, she hurts so much. I just wish I knew why.  
  
I mean it's not like it's *her* fault or something?!  
  
Six days later was the holographic Anna finished.  
  
The Bridge, as it looked after Tom's return to civilian were gathered in a corner at the free Holodeck .  
  
Kathryn, Tuvok, BElanna, Harry, Neelix, Doc and me.  
  
"OK, here it goes."  
  
Harry swallowed, I could see how very nervous he was. Ill bet he was thinking `will this work or not?' Anyway, he closed his eyes and pressed a button on the console he stood in front.  
  
The room shimmered but for once the walls didn't change to a garden, a bar, a beach or what it was.  
  
But there was one thing different, in the middle of the Holodeck stood a girl, maybe ten years old, looking around curiously.  
  
She's clad in a pair of black jeans, a blue sweater and a pair of white sneakers. The tip of her long, flaxen pony-tail reached down between her shoulder blades.  
  
"Hello." Kathryn took another step towards the girl.  
  
"I'm Kathryn Janeway."  
  
"Hello, Captain. I'm Anna Paris. Where am I?"  
  
"You're at the Federation's starship U.S.S. Voyager."  
  
How could she sound so professional? She's talking to a dead girl.  
  
"*When* am I?"  
  
"This is the year 2376."  
  
"But that's not what it was this morning. I checked."  
  
"Look here, Anna, follow our Doctor to Sickbay. He'll answer all of your questions.  
  
Computer, end program."  
  
The room shimmered once again and Anna Paris was gone.  
  
I suddenly felt evidently cold, like shed filled the room with warmth and happiness, and it disappeared with her.  
  
I got the impression she would have been a wonderful person id she had gotten the chance to grow up.  
  
Tom Paris might have had the potential of being a wonderful person once too, but his life has been filled with too much tragedy, too much for that potential to be used.  
  
My thought was interrupted by Kathryn's firm voice.  
  
"Harry, install the matrix in Sickbay.  
  
B`Elanna, go and get some rest, you look horrible.  
  
Doctor, prepare to give up your ticket to the Bridge for a while, our little messenger needs it in order to walk in and out of Sandrine's natural and properly.  
  
Chakotay, you have the Bridge."  
  
~  
  
Tha1n0nlYVoy_Girl 9/2 2002  
  
continue? 


	6. Anna's POV

Love; Breakdown Ch.6 - Anna's POV  
  
I can see it all clearly now.  
  
I know what to do and I know why.  
  
I've finally understood that I'm a hologram, a three-dimensional, moving, thinking laser picture of the real Anna Kate Paris.  
  
Born and dead the same decade.  
  
But I *am* her, based on the information in the Starfleet Database, *I am* her!!  
  
And I, Anna Kate Paris, have to save my brother, the cute little boy, my innocent, sweet baby brother.  
  
Of course he's grown-up by now.  
  
I used to be so happy that I was taller that him, my two baby sisters were both taller than me.  
  
I guess I won't be taller than him anymore. I wonder what he looks like. Good or bad? Tall or short? Slim or fat? Dark or fair? Nice or rude?  
  
I'll have to see for myself, and I'll do it soon.  
  
I also now what happened to him in life, it hasn't been very happy stuff, not very nice stuff either.  
  
Too bad. He was so cute. My only brother.  
  
I remember something now, I tripped him once when he'd stole my Barbie, and now I regret it, Mom said I would some day. This is that day.  
  
It feels like if I hadn't tripped him he would have gotten a better life.  
  
Feels like if I hadn't, he would remember me with only joy in mind. Not pain, the floor was so hard, he cried, Dad got mad, I ran away and hid under my bed.  
  
But it's no time to think about the past time now, I've got a mission to focus on.  
  
I've been given the change to do the good deed I don't think I ever did as a child.  
  
As a *living' child, sorry doctor, I mean; as a child made of flesh and blood.  
  
Not laser and a matrix.  
  
No, I'll have to focus on my mission, Captain Janeway said that I was the only one who could possibly make it.  
  
She won't be disappointed, I won't disappoint another person, this thing I can handle, I'll make it, I will.  
  
Even if they delete me later, I will have done *something* good in this second chance to live.  
  
I would have saved my brother, I *will* him.  
  
I will... if I love my baby brother enough.  
  
I do.  
  
~  
  
By Tha1n0nlYVoY_Girl 9/2 2002  
  
CoNtInUe? 


	7. Tom's POV - When Things Changes

Love; Breakdown Ch.7 - When Things Changes , Tom's POV  
  
  
  
I saw her. Anna. The best friend I had during my first years. Until she left me alone with our other sisters, they are nice - but they aren't Anna.  
  
But she's back again, she's been here, she visited me.  
  
I sat here as usual, at Sandrine's, when suddenly the door opened.  
  
I didn't even bother to look up at first, the person who came in was probably B'Elanna or Harry, and it hurts so much to look at them, so I didn't.  
  
After a very quiet minute or so, I started to think that I only imagined that someone came in, she began to speak. That voice, that special voice that only could belong to Anna Paris, finally made me look up, though it sounded like it came from far away.  
  
"Tom..."  
  
And it was Anna. It really was. She looked the same as the last time I saw her alive. Only her clothes were different. She was encircled by a pulsing orange glow. It might have been my dazed senses fault, but it made her look so present, so there.  
  
Like she'd never been dead.  
  
Ugh! I don't like to put the name 'Anna' together with the word 'dead', but I'll have to.  
  
Cause she is. At least she's been for two decades.  
  
But how could she come back to me then? Out here?  
  
"Tom. Now you'll have to listen to me, I know you don't like to listen, but you'll have to, cause I'll only say this once. Once! You have to get a grip now! You can't end up like this, like a dipso! You should be at the Bridge, you should be there right now, saving this ship."  
  
"I can't, Anna. Everybody hates me."  
  
"No they don't! They want to help you get through this. You just have to let them."  
  
She opened her mouth once more, at the same time the glow began to chance from orange, to green, to blue and she began to fade away.  
  
"Anna! Stay with me! Stay!"  
  
I remember how panic gripped me, the thought of losing my sister again made me nauseous.  
  
I also remember how I stood up, too fast. Everything went black before my eyes, I could hear a glass fall to the floor, very far away it seemed, though I knew it had to be my glass falling inches from my foot.  
  
When I got my blurred vision back, Anna was almost gone. Like she'd been beamed away from me. I could see her fighting to say something, and in the same moment she was completely faded she managed to form a few words.  
  
"Let them! I love you!"  
  
Then everything suddenly got very quiet, the bar felt very cold, and I felt very, very naked and alone. I could hear an old clock tick somewhere.  
  
I must have been staring at the spot where my sister Anna had been, for hours.  
  
I could hear the clock announce an half-hour, an hour, another half-hour, another hour.  
  
I didn't manage to rip myself from it until B'Elanna came in.  
  
'Listen to them, Tom. They want to help you. Let them!'  
  
Okay, Anna, I'll listen.  
  
And I did.  
  
"Tom, listen to me."  
  
I nodded. I would listen.  
  
"I'm so sorry! I do love you! I always will! You have to understand! It was all a prank!"  
  
That's when I got a total blackout. 


End file.
